The Grief Dialogues presents short plays covering issues of death, dying and bereavement. The mission of The Grief Dialogues is to stimulate important conversations that we are often reluctant to engage in. However, viewing a performance with such difficult subject matter can arouse personal grief in the both the actors and the audience. While this actually fosters the dialogue itself, it is difficult to handle.

Having your personal experience resonate with dramatic material happens when you watch a movie or attend a play or even hear music that touches you and your grief. In the last week of October, The Grief Dialogues: The Experience will be performed in an immersive production, by invitation only. The performances are sold out, but we hope that this cycle will provide the conceptual foundation along with investments that will generate public performances in New York City in the near future.

I created a guide for the cast, crew and audience with several quick, somatic activities that can reduce distress, grief triggers and can help anyone who is feeling the resonance with their own grief, who would benefit by some ways to begin to process those feelings.

Prior losses can “vibrate” with a more recent grief:

Here are some ways that you might be triggered or affected by The Grief Dialogues or other theatrical or musical performances that touch upon your own experience of grief.

• If you have experienced a recent loss, know that you may have a reaction during production.
• The conversation or action in a play may remind you of a relationship, event or recent grief or touch one from the past.
• Your body is the first responder of emotional reaction. Notice if you feel uncomfortable, agitated, nervous for no apparent reason.
• Grief might wash over you as if it were a sudden wave.
• Fears about death might be a reaction due to the material.

Allow yourself to feel whatever arises and use the tools here.

Breathe:

Stop what you are doing for a minute or two. Find a safe place and either stand or sit in a comfortable position.

Close your eyes, inhale easily on a count of 5. Hold gently for a few beats. Slowly exhale on a count of 6.

Repeat till you feel calmer.

Butterfly Hug:

Stand or sit. Close your eyes. Cross your hands over your heart. If you wish, you can link your thumbs together. Breathing evenly, gently flap your hands on your chest as if a butterfly has landed there.

Butterfly your hands for a couple of minutes, breathing gently. When you are calm, slowly release and lower your arms. Breathe in and out a few times before opening your eyes.

Stretch & Release:

Stand straight and lift your arms above your head. Breathe in and stretch.

Exhale, bending over towards the ground. Inhale and move your body from side to side as you exhale.

Breathe in and roll up, stretching your arms and body towards the sky.

Open your arms wide and inhale. Exhale and center. Repeat.

Shake it OUT:

Feeling stressed or overwhelmed?

Reach your arms up and make fists. Tense your muscles and bring your arms in tight to your waist as you exhale with a WHOOSH.

Release your fists then begin to shake your hands. Allow the shaking to travel up your arms. Shake your torso, move your legs, shake your head from side to side. SHAKE it OUT!

When you are done, close your eyes and put one hand on your heart and the other on your belly. Take a few deep breaths and move on.

The Dual Process Model of Grief

The Dual Process Model of Bereavement is an evidenced based model developed by researchers Margerete Stroebe and Hans Schutt. It recognizes that we oscillate between feeling and doing during the course of every day. This is heightened when we are experiencing grief and loss. Some people lean more into the emotional responses and have a hard time focusing on the practical things that need to be done, such as getting out of bed, going to work, enjoying life with people we care about who are still here. Others take a busier approach, plunging into activities in order to avoid the pain of grief and the messy emotions.

Yet, all of us fluctuate back and forth. This graph of the Dual Process Model demonstrates the normal way we go back and forth between loss and restoration.

 

Loss and Restoration

Know that oscillating between loss and restoration and back again in normal.

Loss:

• Feeling grief and other emotions
• Intrusive thoughts
• Denial, avoidance
• Irritation
• Lack of concentration

 

Restoration:

• Getting things done
• Distraction from Grief
• Engaging in new things
• Attending to life
• Accepting changes

It’s okay to put grief aside for a while. Just be sure to attend to it later. When you can, express how you feel, either in a journal, with a friend or counselor.

 

Find Support

• Use a journal to express your thoughts and feelings and get them out of your head and body.
• Talk to a trusted friend, family member or counselor at healthy foods and hydrate
• Get good rest
• Take a walk
• Listen to music that soothes you or make you happy
• Recognize that death is a natural part of life and grief occurs because we are connected